WEDDING GIFTS

We all love to receive gifts, but with respect to a wedding, we should try to focus on what a wedding really means. No, I don’t mean, “Gee, free stuff; the more the better.” A wedding is about the joining of two people who love each other so much that they pledge their lives to each other forever and they want to make this commitment with friends and family present. This is a profound act worthy of respect. So, let’s review a bit of wedding etiquette as it relates to the all-important wedding gift.

· Never mention gifts (gift choices or gift registry) on the invitation.

· To publicize your registry information use a wedding website or ‘word of mouth.’
The one exception is the bridal shower invitation - list it there

· Ask for cash gifts or gift certificates by ‘word of mouth’ and your wedding website.

· Honeymoon registries are appropriate.

· Do not use any of the gifts until after a wedding.
All gifts, even shower gifts, must be returned if the wedding is cancelled or annulled before living together as a married couple.

· Gift giving for vow renewal or reaffirmation ceremonies are not mandatory, but is a nice gesture.

· Life style gifts are perfect for the reaffirmation, or for the encore bride.

· Certificates to a spa or a favorite restaurant

· Vacation package

· A night in a nice lodge

MOTHER OF THE GROOM RESPONSIBILITIES (part 2)

Reservations for out-of-town guests, invited by the groom's family, are the responsibility of the mother of the groom. It will be much more convenient if a block of rooms are reserved at a nearby hotel, which is near her home.
It is the responsibility of the groom's parents to host the rehearsal dinner. This can be as simple as a salad potluck with paper plates in the backyard or as elaborate as an exotic dinner with live entertainment in the finest restaurant. Everyone who takes a part in the ceremony is invited to the dinner. It is proper etiquette to invite the spouse or significant other of those participating, and the parents of children in the wedding.
Scheduled family photographs, prior to the wedding, will dictate the groom's parent’s time of arrival. If photos are not scheduled to be taken before the ceremony, the arrival should be no less than one hour before the appointed time
As the wedding begins, the head usher or a groomsman who is a family member will escort the groom’s mother down the aisle, to the first pew, right-hand side. A nice touch includes the groom escorting his mother down the aisle. As the groom's mother is escorted to her seat, her husband will follow along behind. However, if the parents are divorced, the father of the groom will have been seated previously, two pews behind the mother.
The role as mother of the groom, in the ceremony, may include lighting the family candle on the altar, along with the mother of the bride. Family candles are lit after the candle lighters have left the altar area, and prior to the entrance of the wedding party.
The first official duty of the mother of the groom, during the reception is to stand in the receiving line greeting guests and introducing her friends and family to the bride and her family. Traditionally she stands between the bride and her mother. If the fathers of the couple choose to stand in the line, she will stand between them.
Be familiar with the responsibilities of the Maid of Honor. You may want to have a conversation with the Maid of Honor to coordinate and avoid stepping on each other's toes.

MOTHER OF THE GROOM RESPONSIBILITIES (part 1)

The mother of the groom is often at a loss as to exactly what role she plays in the marriage of her son. This is even more true when she has not participated previously in a wedding for a daughter or other sibling. The following rules of etiquette are shared to increase the joy and fulfill the traditional responsibilities of the mother of the groom.
The first rule of etiquette to be followed upon receiving news of the impending nuptials is to initiate contact between the families. Introducing herself and her husband to the bride's parents is her first responsibility. This may be as simple as making a call to the bride's mother and telling her how happy she is about the engagement or an informal invitation to dinner at their home. If preferred, dinner at a nice restaurant is always in order. This may be with or without the couple in attendance.
If the parents live far away, a friendly letter is appropriate. A snapshot of the family and maybe even one of her son as a small child is always welcomed by the bride's mother and is a kind gesture.
The importance of providing an accurate and timely guest list can neither be over emphasized, nor the importance of sticking to the guidelines given her as to the number of guests she many invite. Remember to include zip codes.
It is the bride's mother who will first select a dress for her daughters wedding. The mother of the groom then chooses a gown of complimentary color and similar styling. She must wear long if the bride's mother wears long or short if she wears short. The color should not match the bridesmaids, nor the brides' mother, but compliment both.

MOTHER OF THE BRIDE RESPONSIBILITIES

The Primary responsibility of the Mother of the Bride is to see that the bride's wishes are carried out the bride's way. It will be your responsibility to help the bride plan her wedding with her tastes in mind…not yours, unless, it is the true desire of the bride to "let mom run things."

Help the bride select her wedding attire. Remember, this is not your wedding. If you find yourself talking the bride out of a gown she loves, you may be overreaching.
Help the bride and groom decide on a wedding budget. Settling money issues upfront is always best. A good clear budget will help everyone with their expectations.
In the event that the Mother of the Groom does not contact you, you will make the first contact.
See that the guest lists are put together. The invitations must be ordered as soon as possible, and the guest list will be critical in making your invitation order.
Reservations for out-of-town guests, invited by the bride's family, are the responsibility of the mother of the bride. It will be much more convenient if a block of rooms are reserved at a nearby hotel, which is near her home.
Choose your gown for the wedding day. Immediately tell the Mother of the Groom the colors and style so that she may begin looking for a complimentary gown. Send a swatch of material to the Mother of Groom if possible.
See that instructions for the actual ceremony are given. This includes the seating schedule and the receiving line at reception, as well as any special touches the bride may choose to have at her wedding.
The role as mother of the bride, in the ceremony, may include lighting the family candle on the altar, along with the mother of the groom. Family candles are lit after the candle lighters have left the altar area, and prior to the entrance of the wedding party.
Find a trusted friend or family member who is not in the wedding party to assist you throughout the wedding. You are the hostess for the entire event! Find someone who will help you with some of the details…sometimes a professional is best.
Be familiar with the responsibilities of the Maid of Honor. You may want to have a conversation with the Maid of Honor to coordinate and avoid stepping on each other's toes.

RULES OF ETIQUETTE FOR MOTHER’S ATTIRE

• Tradition holds that the mother of the bride chooses a dress first, followed by the mother of the groom. Their dresses should complement each other, as well as the bridal party. For instance, having one mother in a floor length dress and another in a mini-skirt is a major no-no. Likewise, your mother wearing an orange dress next to your bridesmaid’s light green ensembles are bound to make your wedding pictures look tacky. While your moms shouldn’t be wearing the same style and color, their dresses should coordinate.
• Generally, at formal weddings, your mother and mother-in-law should be in floor or tea-length dresses. Semi-formal or informal weddings allow them to get more creative with the length, but they still need to make sure they are complementing one another.
• Unless your bridesmaids will be wearing black, a mother of the bride or groom should avoid this color. Until recently, black at weddings was considered a social blunder and many guests will still look at the color choice with suspicion. Steer them away from choosing a color that will raise eyebrows as to whether or not they approve of the marriage.
• Don’t forget to finish the look with a matching corsage or a small bouquet

GROOMSMEN & USHER RESPONSIBILITIES (part 2)

Ushers distribute any programs or ceremony handouts at the ceremony. Ushers direct those bringing gifts to the ceremony to a gift table. If there is a guest book at the ceremony, ushers direct guest to sign it.
After all guest are seated, the ushers escort the groom's parents to the front row on the groom's side (Unless they are part of the processional.) Lastly, they escort the bride's mother to her seat, unless she is a accompanying her husband in the processional.
Once everyone is seated, the groomsmen unroll the aisle runner in readiness for the processional. The Groomsmen may be part of the processional or they may take positions in the front with the best man or groom. They stand near the groom during the ceremony. They are in formal Photographs of the bridal party. They Escort the bridesmaids from the ceremony in the recessional. One of the ushers should be responsible to roll the aisle runner back up after the ceremony and have it cleaned and returned.
One of the ushers should collect any leftover handouts or programs and see that they get returned to the couple who may want to send them to family or friends who were unable to attend. At the Reception
Ushers may be part of the receiving lines in the very formal or formal weddings. Ushers may be seated at the head table or a table of honor at the reception. During the reception, groomsmen mingle with the guest. Groomsmen dance with the bridesmaids at the reception.
They assist by encouraging single young men to participate in catching the garter. Groomsmen or ushers pay for their own formalwear and accessories. If travel expenses are involved, they pay their own costs involved in getting to the wedding and staying in town during the celebration. Although groomsmen may attend several pre-wedding parties, only one shower gift and one wedding gift are to be expected. Groomsmen may share the cost of the bachelor party with the best man.

GROOMSMEN & USHER RESPONSIBILITIES (part 1)

Groomsmen:
Pays for their own wedding attire
Attends rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
Attends bachelor dinner if there is one
Escorts bridesmaids during the ceremony

Ushers:
Pay for own wedding attire
Make sure principles have flowers before being seated (unless this task is assigned to another).
Distribute wedding programs (unless this task is assigned to another).
Seat guests on appropriate side of church.
Assist elderly guests to seats.
After all guests are seated, unroll aisle carpet.
Check church or synagogue for any items left behind.

The number of ushers is usually determined by the size of the wedding. One usher can comfortably seat about fifty guests.

Ushers are usually brothers, relatives or best friends of the groom. In inviting people to serve as ushers, make sure that they are aware of the expenses involved.

While it is not necessary to have an equal number if ushers and bridesmaids, it does balance nicely if they walk in pairs in either the processional or recessional.

Groomsmen usually help the best man plan the bachelor party for the groom.
Groomsmen attend pre-wedding parties.
Groomsmen attend the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner.

The main Job of the usher is to seat guests. They should arrive at the ceremony site at least one hour in advance and should have clear instructions on the seating plan. In Christian Ceremonies, the bride's family and guest sit on the left and the groom's on the right. In Jewish services, the seating is opposite, with the bride's family on the right. Female guests are escorted by having the usher offer his right arm to her. Her date or spouse walks behind. Male guests are lead to their seats. If there are pew cards being used or a special reserved section, ushers should pay special attention as they escort these guests to their seats.